I was having a very relaxing shower, you know the kind when your mind starts to wander and in turn wonder if in the near future, when gravity really starts to take hold, I will be able to fend it off. I loathe this particular thought but, nonetheless, I still dwell on it. My solutions are many just not real to life. I think to get a hold on all the parts that need help, I'm thinking I need to be dipped in a vat of a special concoction that will zone in on all areas. I've noticed the tops of my knees are getting some light lines. My hands are looking a little less freckled and little more aged spot if you know what I mean. My butt sags, it always has, there was never anything to hold up the skin, except bone. My elbows are slouching, my neck is beginning to practice gobble-gobble noises. My eyebrows are getting a little too close to my eyelashes. What a sight that will be. I'll probably be able to glue the eyelashes into the eyebrows to make my eyes open. We'll work on that formula.
Anyway, you see the need for the vat. I suggest we do this in layers. Bottom layer to smooth and firm my legs and butt. I have always been told I have beautiful legs. No one dares to go so far and say anything positive about my tush. Not even my beloved. He's always been accepting of my flaws and I of his (the fact that he's lite in the hair department). Too many magazines with the themes of making yourself over (the latest being O Magazine). Oprah has reinvented herself many times, I would too if I had $400 Million to keep the process moving along. Hell if I had an extra $10,000 oh what I would do. First, I would begin the makeover in the kitchen... no wait, this is about me. $10,000 could help me, I'm sure. I promise after I'm done and then when I'm dead, they can pull all the stitches out and un-tuck everything, God will recognize me when I get to Heaven. Then I don't have to listen to my mother go on about how she glided right by me and didn't even know who I was. Go figure, my own mother.
Back to the vat, so we have the bottom layer for smoothing and firming, probably lifting agent as well for the ass. Then onto the stomach. This is particular tricky, multi-area workspace. There are stretch marks for one thing. Several sets, don't think because you have twins it counts for one set. Nope, two babies were stretching you stomach this way and that, so two sets plus the damage the older one did. It does add up. Plus, when they stitched me up after the emergency C-section, they did it crooked. One side, more than the other. So there is smoothing, lip, sandblasting, major firming needed in the mid-section. Now as we travel north to the boob area we need needles for injecting a special solution that could have been taken from my stomach area as well, there's enough to go around and carefully inject into the left and right to make them symmetrically perfect.
The vat must also take care of my upper arms and the jiggling that doesn't seem to tire me out. Arms must be smooth with firm, lightly muscled arms. At this stage I'm not going to try and pick up men (I mean physically pick them up to see how far I could get them off the ground). As a result of having brothers there was a need to have a "show of strength" when I was out and about. I was trying to catch a man but I would lose to the girl who would just drop a dollar or twenty. Eventually, I caught a man, a damn fine man after all. He politely asked me years ago to stop picking guys up. I complied.
The neck, face and hair are the areas we first see when we greet another human being. The vat at this stage must also be multi-faceted. The jowls have just begun to slide. The wrinkles are around my eyes and above my nose. You can still see my eyes but I do need a lift there. Some of these makeover products don't include invasive surgery. Don't know if I can trust this as I think Dr. 90210's workload would begin to suffer. Another unfortunate aspect of aging is the unwanted hairs that pop up wherever they want. Oh wait, the chin area is prominent. Let's start there and when you get in silhouette or profile, the person your talking to will automatically go for her chin to feel around to see if she has any. At least that's my cue, I don't know about you.
So, what I'm looking for is a huge vat that can dip me and do everything I need done on a daily basis. I'm too busy, tired and helpless to do this by myself every day. Sometimes twice a day at that. To put me where I want to be would be a full time job. I'd have to start working for Macy's or Bloomingdale's to get all the products I need to do what one daily vat dipping would do. Think about how much money could be made with an all-in-one woman pleasure dip. It could jump start the economy.
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